Lockdown Grief

I wanted to start by thanking everybody who read the first post and for the wonderful response and outpouring of love and support which means so much to me. I never expected such a response and although this is cathartic for me, I also hope that it can help people both feeling like they want to end their life; and those people who have been affected by suicide. I have so many thoughts running around my head about what I want to share with you – I want my posts to be real, to make a difference and honour Ben’s wishes (above), which brings a real pressure with it. I also worry that it could have the opposite effect because this isn’t a good story – obviously because of the outcome; but more so because Ben did everything, and I mean everything in his power to fight; which is why I understand why he felt there was no other way. This doesn’t mean that it’s right – I can’t stress that enough. Every person’s story is different.   People have things that have happened in th

I have been known to blog every now and then but  ever in a million years did I imagine I would be doing a blog about losing the love of my life to suicide and the journey we took together before that fateful day... and the weeks/months following… but here we are. My good friend, suggested I do this, to help me and to help others. At first my reaction was that I haven’t got the energy, motivation or creative flair to do this right now – I’m lucky if I make it out of bed at all most days and even when I do, it's pretty much pointless as I can't bring myself to do anything - never mind write a blog…. but over the last couple of days, since Kev suggested it, I’ve noticed my thoughts wandering to what I could write if I did. So, I thought I would give it a go…. One of the reasons I want to do this, is because Ben and I had an  Instagram page  that we set up jointly about mental health and suicide prevention, which was an honest account of what it was like to live with PTS