Nearly one year since you left....
The last picture we had together - which I now look at and see the pain in his eyes... For those who had read my other posts - it's often easier for me to get things down on paper to say how I’m feeling – right now, I am the most numb I have ever been about the losing Ben and I feel like I don’t care about anything – the house sale I am currently going through, that is due to complete on 1 st Feb, could honestly drop out today and I think I would just say 'okay'. I feel like I have gone into full protection mode and I don’t feel anything, about anything - nothing. My body is also reacting in the same way – I am having physical symptoms of grief which I try and ignore but I know it’s happening for a reason, because the numbness isn’t good for me and I have to feel. I just can’t – there is no magic switch - and actually - if there was, I don't think I'd press it because stopping the numbness, means I then have to feel - and from what I've felt so far, that wou